July 13, 2003 -- Besides being one of the stupidest and least descriptive names for a movie ever, “The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen,” based on a series of comic books, is a mess of a movie which never creates the characters, fun or excitement needed to justify the purchase of a $5 movie ticket.

Besides having a woman in the group, the men are not gentlemen and they aren't really a League either, more like a group of freaks and outcasts. The group, headed by adventurer Allan Quatermain (played by Sean Connery), is recruited by a mysterious government agent to head off a conspiracy to cause a world war. Set at the end of the 19th century, the conspirators nevertheless have weapons ahead of their time, like machine guns and tanks. The League, not to be outdone, counters with weapons even more anachronistic, like a solar-powered submarine with rocket-launching capability (the Nautilus), an invisible man (played by Tony Curran of “Blade II”), and Dr. Jeckyll (Jason Flemyng of “From Hell”), whose mood-altering formula turns him into the Hulk-like Mr. Hyde. The Nautilus' captain, Nemo (Naseeruddin Shah of “Monsoon Wedding”) is also a member of the League, as is Tom Sawyer, a secret agent for the American government (played by Shane West “A Walk to Remember”). Not content with science fiction and twisted pop culture, the story also embraces fantasy with a vampire, Mina Harker (Peta Wilson of the “Nikita” TV series) and the immortal Dorian Gray (Stuart Townsend who played a vampire in “Queen of the Damned”) rounds out the League members.

The members of the League head to Venice to confront their nemesis, a mysterious evil figure called “The Fantom.” The action doesn't stop there. It continues on to some icy, remote location where the battle continues and villains multiply in an inexplicable fashion. The Fantom seeks to gain the extraordinary powers of the League members opposing him. There are a lot of special effects as we have high-speed cars, high-speed submarines and lots of fancy gadgets, along with a vampire who can turn herself into hundreds of bats. There are also some good morphing effects when Jeckyll turns into Hyde. This movie ought to be fun, but it is very dark and grim. With a plot this dumb, it needs lots of humor to make it bearable, and there is not enough levity. None of the characters are developed. Allan Quatermain comes the closest to having something approaching a real character. The rest are as faceless as the invisible man, although Mina Harker is a pretty hot vampire chick. The villain is also quite bland. There are just no personalities to be found in this film.

The story is also weak. It is simply a limp skeleton over which a bunch of special effects are hung. It has no consistency, no style, no panache, no form, no substance, no hook, no middle no climax, no resolution. It isn't compelling, it isn't interesting, it isn't fun, it isn't exciting and it makes little sense. What is the motivation of the characters, you might well ask? There isn't any friggin motivation. Compared to this, “Hulk” and “Daredevil” are masterpieces, at least they develop some friggin characters. One other thing this film does have, though is nice production design by Carol Spier (“Blade 2”) the Nautilus and Venice sets are awesome. Too bad there isn't a story or characters to match them. Too bad. This film is a disappointment. It rates a D+.

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Copyright © 2003 Robert Roten. All rights reserved.
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